does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
