Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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