You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
