i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
