fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize