Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
