It's Friday. Sex?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
