he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.