Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
