Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
