Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
