Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
