Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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