i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
