getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
