I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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