new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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