if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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