Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
