so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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