remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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