I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
