Who wears a wallet chain?!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
