the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
