woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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