If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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