Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
