it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
