You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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