The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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