she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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