I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
