she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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