Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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