Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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