The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
