You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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