I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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