dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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