I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
