Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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