haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
