woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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