My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
