I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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