he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
