Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
