Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
