if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
