; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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