I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
two words...techno handjob
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
