Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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