OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
