What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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