Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
