haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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