What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
