So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
