uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
