that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
