I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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