Me. At least after what I've been through.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
