after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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