Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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