i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize