That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
