My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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