walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
