I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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