drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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