I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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