You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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