I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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