I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
