trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
