I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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