Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
