we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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