Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
