Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
